* 50 Shades of BenGay

  We all have our favorite writers. Mine is a man by the name of Gerald May. He is not an easy read – more like a rich fudge filled with caramel, nuts, chips, and all things gooie. Little bites to savor – too much you get a tummy ache. But oh those bites – so filled with deep truths and spiritual insights. The man was brilliant. He was a Psychiatrist and an Addictionologist, Author, Poet, Theologian of the Contemplative nature and was Director of the Shalem Institute in Washington DC before he passed. His foot notes alone were good reads… Now, that’s talent.   One chapter in his book The Awakened Heart was titled ‘Expectation vs Hope’. Coming across it was serendipitous as my life was pretty devoid of hope at the moment. I felt as if everything I touched turned into a Lime Slushy with way too much green syrup. I desperately needed some help cleaning up the mess. Growing up as Pollyanna I had unknowing put myself into far too many painful situations than I needed to. Reading this c

 👿     “I AM NOT ANGRY!” He furiously exhaled the words with a clenched jaw, his throbbing jugular vein was pounding in his neck with eyes all squinty as if the sun was burning his face. Yet there he was, professing to be calm. He had just come from what sounded like a fun family outing and yet everyone had gotten on his nerves – especially his mother. On the inhale he professed to be at total peace and acceptance with all of them (uh huh) and then he went back to the exhale with more of the same rage about their behavior. This man’s emotions were clouded not only for that event, but unfortunately, his entire life was filled with anger. I mean nothing was going to make this poor man happy. All women were users. Charity events for truly unfortunate irritated him as there were just too many of them. Traffic was always bad. His boss always got things wrong, the dogs barked too much, and his church sang the wrong music. Etc. etc. etc. “I AM NOT ANGRY” That is what angry people soun