Know When to Hold 'em....Know when to Fold 'em
Just because you have done something all of your life does not
mean you need to keep doing it until you die. I read that pearl of wisdom
somewhere in a book a long time ago. It was a ticket I suspected I would need
in my pocket to push me forward in life’s journey.
We seem to need the ticket more and more as we get older. Used to
go to Toys R Us – kid hands us a ticket as one can’t buy a blue sports car
there. Used to be a runner - was forced to use the ticket as my
knees refused to participate anymore. Used to teach children how to worship God
with song and dance until… well, more on that in a bit.
Dr. Scott Peck wrote a great book years ago called a World Waiting to be Born. It was
about civility. I didn't understand the concept at first as I have always
been one to champion the individual over the group. Perhaps it’s because
I was bullied as a kid – don’t know. Doesn't matter.
Peck’s thoughts eventually made an impact on me. Ok, what am
I talking about? What is this civility? *Basically it’s about not
considering yourself to be the center of the universe and knowing when to
hold'em and when to fold 'em. And it’s a two sided coin.
Heads: How and why to let others go when they are no longer
effective in their job and are bringing the entire organization down.
Tails: How to recognize the same blindness in yourself when you
are that goober.
It’s always easier to see the flaws in other so let’s start with
that one first. Sigh… We don’t want to hurt an individual’s
feelings. We are afraid they won’t find another position. We suck it up,
do their job for them, make excuses for them, pity them with true empathy,
while on the same hand find ourselves being eaten up with a gnarly feeling. Day
by day the overall quality of the whole suffers but we say it’s for the greater
good of the individual and that’s all that matters. Yes Dr. Peck – you nailed it.
We are being good people when we do this, right? Nope. Cut bait and allow
them the opportunity to step out on faith and let God decide what is best for
them - not you. Perhaps God is calling them to a greater stage of faith.
Perhaps He is calling them to a position where they can learn and grow in an
entirely new direction. Perhaps He’s calling them to stop doing what they have
been doing all their life as they are ticking people off and bringing down the
ship. Scott's words not mine…. [para]
The other side of the coin: When you look up and see it is you who
is getting in the way.
A friend who knew what civility was all about nailed me one day in
her office a few years ago. The words were hard to hear – but they were
true. For too long I had been pitied, helped out, had excuses made
for me and left them with gnarly feelings. Truth was, I had become too
overtaxed by life, working three jobs at times and taking care of dying parents
and a hurt child. Too much as everyone was getting 10% of nothing. I
needed to cut bait on the least paying job in order to do a better one on the
job that was paying the bills. All legitimate hardships mind you – none
contrived. But the fact remained. A painful choice was made and I let of the
small job go even though it was the life blood of my soul. Done. Life
went on. I was replaced by a younger version of me - which was good for them
but hard to watch for a month or two as I had become the center of the entire
universe again. But then one day I found peace as I saw the same joy on the
faces of the kids that they once had with me. I saw the torch was passed along
and knew the dream would live on. Civility felt good that day as I joined the
rest of the asteroids. I could also go back to my real job and kick booty –
which I did.
Standing at the crossroad in an empty station with a limited
number of tickets left can be scary at middle age. We don’t want to go back to
the rigors of the past but we certainly want Joy.
So where do we go my friends? Where do we go when we have to once
again pull out that ticket and there is no train at the station? Well, we go on
in faith it’s there down the tracks a bit. Dr. Peck doesn't need to tell
me that. Joy does not dwell in a memory. It does not have to come to us
in the same way it did before. It may have an entirely different face or
address. It’s Ok to stand out in the cold with only faith as an
overcoat. It’s called courage. Courage doesn't mean going on
without fear. Just the opposite. It means going on in spite of
being scared to death there will never be another train showing up at your
station. But don’t give up. Look down the tracks and search out the light
that is on the way. Squint if you must – it’s there.
*A World Waiting to Be Born
“The person with a secular mentality feels himself to be the
center of the universe. Yet he is likely to suffer from a sense of
meaninglessness and insignificance because he knows he’s but one human among
five billion others - all feeling themselves to be the center of things -
scratching out an existence on the surface of a medium-sized planet circling a
small star among countless stars in a galaxy lost among countless galaxies. The
person with the sacred mentality, on the other hand, does not feel herself to
be the center of the universe. She considers the Center to be elsewhere and
other. Yet she is unlikely to feel lost or insignificant precisely because she
draws her significance and meaning from her relationship, her connection, with
that center, that Other.”
― M. Scott Peck, A World Waiting to Be Born: Civility Rediscovered
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