* 50 Shades of BenGay

Trying to be authentic amidst the insanity of this election.  Watching friends show their backsides on Facebook is an interesting twist -  especially professionals who ought to know better.  We all have strong opinions and can back them up with our own logic and reason.   Why, for some, it comes out as bitter prattle is beyond me. And yet as I write those words I know where bitterness comes from as I saw some of my own arise as of late. Damn, it’s a nuisance and total waste of energy. One can’t do anything to change the past - no matter how hard one tries. But there it is… Bitterness is a tricky wicket.  It’s Hurt. Painful hurt that is locked up in the closet hiding under the washcloths. You know it’s in your house somewhere as you smell it rotting but can’t quite put your finger on it as you walk by it every day.  You can feel it too.  The slow burn in your craw that won’t go away – and it’s giving you a headache – but for the life of ...

Have you ever really wanted to run away?  I mean as an adult, legitimately pack up your house, put it on the market, hop in your car and leave for destination unknown? I think we all have at one point in time.  Biggest problem I see with this ‘Great Escape’ is not surviving the months of the sluggish housing market, but rather facing the fact that we have to take ourselves along with us wherever we go. Too bad we can’t leave the memories, hurts, angers, or fears in the house for the real estate agent to ditch along with the outdated bathrooms and linoleum counter tops. The longer we live, the more we see those suckers are permanently attached to us - which is probably the reason I am still here in my living room and not lounging about on the Riviera. Well, that and a lack of an abundant cash flow.  Anyways, we deal with our wounds in such creative ways. We try to shop them away sometimes.  Ignoring them is an option – but that usually brings its good friend ...

The quiet darkness of the morning invites my soul to breath. It’s been a challenging week – but I laugh off that thought when I think to the Syrian refuges. I pray for them as my heart absorbs peace with gratitude for all I see around me.  How blessed am I sitting here in the dark awaiting the dawn. There are dark woods behind every home.  Most people spend a lifetime (and a fortune) avoiding going into those woods as indeed scary beasts live there.  Real beasts that can kill unless Grace sweeps though and shields. Unfortunately, I was hurled deep in the woods years ago and spent a great deal of time yelling for help.  After many years the damsel finally got the memo: “No one is coming to save you -  get off your duff and start walking.”  Begrudgingly I did – but bemoaned my fate and mumbling socially accepted obscenities to the mud whilst trying to maintain some semblance of dignity.  More than once the cloak of anger and bargaining kept me warm ...

Major Announcement!! (drum roll please).   I am formally retiring from UNC-FSU at the end of this term. After mom died I climbed off the Tenure bus and have only been part time… but still I was going to wait a year to retire - which is what I said last year. Yes, I know, neurosis has many faces and dubious lures. This winter however I watched myself running full tilt doing many things partially to my liking.   The term half-assed comes to mind. Granted, being ADD is a commercial license for multi-tasking… however multiple unfinished projects kept staring me in the face.   For umpteen years I had been racing to stay inches in front of the rampaging boulder that was careening down the path behind me.   Habit, I suppose, kept me at that pace as life is gentler now and the need is gone.   I will now have time to teach in different ways.   My Sunday School class, Better Living and Wellness lectures, and even do more volunteering at schools.   I will al...

    There once was a time I ran away from challenging times with a vengeance.  I would hunker down in self-pity and drama. Lots of drama!   Then I would plow through the perplexing events with blinders on repeating the mantra at break neck speed – “this too shall pass - this too shall pass -this too shall pass.”  until they did.  But I was a wreck and in the meantime did a nice job at freaking out many of my closest friends and family. Face it, some people major in Drama on and off camera… and I was one of them. Midlife was not fun. Hell set in for about 10 years: Divorce, loss of home, loss of income, custody wars, loss of job, working three jobs at once, friends getting cancer, friends dying of cancer, family members getting cancer, family members dying of cancer including my mom and step dad, son almost dying in a car accident and a long recovery which will never be complete. My 40’s were not a walk in the park with George. I was Job ...

What does the term ‘getting older’ mean to you?  Some fear it while others embrace it. Why is that? We live in a culture that worships the youth and we have been led to believe we should retire at age 65 and go play golf or garden – whatever it is, just take a back seat to the younger generation. If you think that is really true, somebody has sold you a bill of goods. Did you know that more than half of what researchers called “the world’s greatest work” was achieved by leaders, thinkers, creative people, businesspeople, and others who were age sixty or older? A third of the accomplishments of the 400 most famous people came when they were between 60 and 70 years old. A quarter came when they were 70 to 80. Some brief examples:  At 100, Grandma Moses was painting, at 94, Bertrand Russell was active in international peace drives, at 91, Eamon de Valera served as president of Ireland, at 90, Pablo Picasso was producing drawings and engravings at 89, Arthur Rubin...

When one has been hurt by another, the usual recourse is to evoke the wrath of the gods down on their head.  It’s a natural reaction called rage – which lives about a mile and a half down the road from anger.  Biblical box office material at its best. RE: It feels good – temporarily.  But it’s a useless waste of energy and robs one of peace. New Testament truth triumphs Old Testament again. Rats!   Alas, late at night as you are still stewing over clever revenge tactics and snarky repartees, it dawns on you that the one who caused your insomnia is probably getting a good night sleep. They still win!! Dang - Time to get serious. Time to get conscious really. You've heard forgiveness is the only way out, and indeed you want to forgive and let it all go,  but you just can’t.  You really try. I mean really really try - it just won’t come.  Let’s face it, we are old enough to realize repression is not forgiveness. You know what I mean - you tel...